


One More Light-LINKIN PARK

by Demise_Rim



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Mentioned Albus, Mentions Luna & Neville, Mentions Ron and Hermione, Mentions Snape, One Shot, One more light-LINKIN PARK, Self-Mutilation, Suicide, mini rant, selfharm, song-fic, suicidal!harry, suicide note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:07:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26103157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demise_Rim/pseuds/Demise_Rim
Summary: Harry commits suicide in a song fic. I dont know what goes here. Shows thoughts and shit... probs some need of beta’ing but...
Kudos: 8





	One More Light-LINKIN PARK

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little jumpy it’s all the same song just different things.  
> One is a one shot of harry commuting suicide.  
> One is of a feeling of guilt combination between people I know and myself  
> One is me complaining about my girlfriend and I and different time we were suicidal.  
> Italics is song or letter I’m sure you know which is which  
> Bold is immediate thought after song  
> Normal is gen story
> 
> I WROTE THIS FOR MYSELF AND MYSELF ONLY I DECIDED TO POST IT TO GET TO PEOPLE LIKE ME AND HELP THEM. DONT FLAME IT!!
> 
> Have fun.  
> For that one salty person TRIGGERS FOR SUICIDE!!

~~~~~~~~section one-Harry one shot thing~~~~~~~~

_Who cares if one more light goes out?  
In a sky of a million stars  
It flickers, flickers_

**No one, no one cares if I disappear, no one cares if I flicker in and out of existence, no one cares if I cry myself to sleep, no one cares if I’m abused, no one cares if they expect a 15 yr old to commit murder, no one cares if I lost all my friends and family, no one cares if I’m cursed as I walk down the hall, no one cares if I’m bullied, no one cares if I go to class or not, no one cares when I flunk my classes and don’t hand in work, no one cares… if one more light goes out.**

I pick the potion knife up and stare at the blade, the blade that’s glinting in the moonlight. I look at my skin, my wrists, my chest, my legs. The scarred skin, the broken flesh, and the bare patches. The bare patches of pale skin, waiting, asking, to be cut. They want to be just as broken as the rest of me, they want to show how I feel on the inside on the outside. I hold the cold blade against my wrist, let it calm me, let the coolness fill me, rash decisions are fatal right now. After about 15 seconds I turn the blade and drag it across my wrist pressing deeper than usual but not enough to bleed out. I close my eyes and revel in the feeling of cal and nothingness mixed with pain that washes over my body in tat instant only lasting seconds though. I do it again twice more on my wrist, both time breathing sighs of relief at the reprieve of pain and depression that is constantly there.

 _Who cares when someone's time runs out?_  
If a moment is all we are  
We're quicker, quicker

**No one cares if my time runs out, the world has existed with living animals for millions of years, what does it matter if I change my life span from 80 years to 15. ‘I’ll miss stuff’ will no doubt be their response, how stupid is that. Yeah I’ll die and miss stuff but who cares, the cliché shall we go through those. I’m certainly never going to love someone, especially if I don’t even love myself. I’m not going to die a virgin, no Vernon made sure of that. I’m not going to die without an accomplishment, I dEfEaTeD lOrD vOlDeMoRt at one, no less. No one cares if my time runs out early, quicker that anyone expected.**

I move to my chest, dragging the blade from one side to the other lighter than the wrists, because there is a lot less room to move if I cut too deep. This stings, it stings more than my wrists ever do and I love it, takes away everything. And it leaves me with only the pain to focus on. Staring at the blood running down my arm and across my chest I feel a sick sort of glee at the amount of blood I lost. And I do it again, dragging the knife across my thigh deeper than both my wrists and chest, it’s the least noticeable place for me, only Vernon sees it, and he doesn’t care. The blade has partially dried blood on it now. Washing it in the sink I look at my body and realise I’ve made 6 new cuts tonight all of them deeper than the last time I cut. I know one day I’ll screw up but until that day. I’ll continue watching the life flow from my veins like a lifeline. Quite ironic really.

_Who cares if one more light goes out?_

**No one...**

Less than two months later, 

_Dear diary,_

_I hope someone finds you because I need someone to see this. I just wanted to say a few things to a few people._

_Hermione: I love you sis, you were amazing, always encouraging me, always looking out for me, I’ll be waiting for you. xx Harry P.S. I’m gay_

_Ron: You’re like my brother and I’m gonna miss staying up late and eating Bertie Botts beans with you, and I’m gonna miss annoying hermione by doing no work ‘till the last day and joking around together instead. xx_

_Albus: I’m sorry I’m not your saviour, and I’m sorry for it being like this but please for me, arrest the Dursley’s for abuse._

_Snape: I’m sorry for being an ass in your class, you were so mean on the first day I didn’t get a chance to read my books, instead I was locked in a cupboard being beat daily._

_Luna and Neville: You guys were great people, always sticking by me, never judging me. I appreciate it._

_I wish you all a good life._

_Sincerely,_

_Harry_

Harry died later that day at 15 years and 4 days old. An amazing man lost well before his time.

~~~~Family thingy~~~~

Rant from ‘family’ perspective which is actually someone with experience pretending to be family. It’s informative.

_The reminders pull the floor from your feet  
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need oh_

**And it hurts so much to know if you had looked harder you might have been able to save them, if you had just asked if they were ok, they may have said no. If you had just seen the signs. Even though you know it was impossible and they hid it so well, you can’t stop the guilt.**

_And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair  
Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it, isn't there_

**And I am angry, at so much, and it makes me feel worse, I’m angry at them for dying, it’s not fair!! They had no right to die. I’m angry at myself for not realising and angry at myself for being angry at them, they don’t deserve it. They never did.**

_If they say  
Who cares if one more light goes out?  
In a sky of a million stars  
It flickers, flickers_

**I’ll start saying that I do. Because if no one else says it, people will be lost, people will think you don’t care, and they’ll lose hope, they’ll tune out the world. They’ll become numb or full of pain and they’ll end it before you even realised there was someone wrong with the way they were. Suicidal people are extremely good at hiding it. They are amazing at making sure people don’t find out. Watch out for them.**

_Who cares when someone's time runs out?  
If a moment is all we are  
We're quicker, quicker_

**And I honestly do care if someone’s time runs out. I have been in the above position or something similar and I know exactly what it feels like. And I know now, that there were people there ready to help, who loved me and only wanted me to be happy. But at the time I couldn’t see that, I can barely see it now I just know that’s how it’s supposed to go. We never really truly recover, we just get better at coping. But we always relapse, that’s part of the recovery I guess, it’s just a hard fall to take. It takes extra support there. When you fall back to old habits and razors… When you take that little bit too much medicine… When you hold the rope just a little longer than necessary… When the thought of guns is more than just target practice on a farm… When oceans look so peaceful you could float away… When the cliffs look so appealing you might just try…**

_Who cares if one more light goes out?  
Well I do  
Who cares if one more light goes out?  
In a sky of a million stars  
It flickers, flickers  
Who cares when someone's time runs out?  
If a moment is all we are  
We're quicker, quicker  
Who cares if one more light goes out?  
Well I do  
Well I do_

~~~personal rant-feel free to skip~~~

_Should've stayed, were there signs, I ignored?  
Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?_

**If I can’t help you I’d get people that could, and I wish I could've seen the signs hell I should know the signs I've been there, I wish I could’ve made the difference, I wish I didn’t have to see the person I love destroy themselves, I wish I didn’t have to hear about from friends after you pushed me away. I wish I didn’t have to sit here loving you and hurting for you, but knowing you’ll never love me back anymore, knowing I’m pushed too far away and my mental state isn’t great. Knowing I’m slipping, slipping further than I have in a long time. I know that it’s hard for you, and I know that it’s not fair but it’s the same for me too. And I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be cold and hard.**

_We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep_

**I did so much with you, I saw so much with you, I spent so much time with you, talking to you, thinking about you, holding you, it’s not fair that I have to let this go.**

_There are things that we can have, but can't keep_

**And I know I was lucky to have this and I can’t keep it. Because I can’t keep happiness, it doesn’t mean I don’t want it though.**

**Author's Note:**

> Cheers for reading  
> R&R


End file.
